Prachi P

Dec 3, 2021

3 min read

Life 003- Why do I value my life more than anything?

A little my everyday journal — which is not yet everyday 💩

I don't think there is anyone who doesn't value life, their life. But doesn't this fact hit your mind once in a while, LIFE IS NOT FAIR. Well if you would ask me this 2 years back I would have said: “Naah it's not like that life is beautiful and all..”. Well, I would still say Life is beautiful why wouldn't it be. I have things, I am around my people, I can eat whatever I want without thinking about my weight gain. But I agree with my whole heart Life would never be fair. Some people will have more and some people will always have less. But it's us who decide where we are moving with our life. I am not sitting in some corner of my house sinking in my tears about God having been biased.

Let me tell you this if you are doing that you are wasting time. But no matter how many I will tell you this it's not going to get to your head. And no I am not ever gonna blame you for being like that. Cause I know Time is the player, my dear. It plays everything in its way and you can control that. Let everything sink in your skin and then you will accept the truth and then you won't even give a damn to getting hurt anymore.

Now let me tell you Why I believe in my life, though nothing has worked or I would say most of the things haven't worked according to my plan but I believe it's beautiful and I would go any far to maintain its peace and dignity. Now you would ask me Why? There must have been several things that happened in your life that would make you feel miserable and you won't feel like enduring the pain. You are engraved in darkness and the worst thing is you don't see where exactly the Tunnel ends. Been there:p For almost a year I was lost like anything, I was alone. So damn alone figuring out why I laugh and smile in the office but once I enter my flat door I have tearful eyes followed by bowling cries. The pain was so real that I wanted to end it any time. I was never ever like this. I was a person who never even cared about failure I was more like let me try type. I mean c’mon lets people judge laugh whatever if you are happy then be it, do it. But I was changed, I couldn't recognize myself.

Then One day while I was lying on my bed I asked myself is this it. Where I am going with it? Is there no out of it? And then for the first time, I listened to my heart and it said there is always a way you just don't want to take cause it was hard and risky. I was totally into analysis mode and I was re-thinking everything that I did and planned to do. And believe me, I was not at all happy. I loved what I did, creating websites, portals, and whole but somehow I wasn't growing, maybe I am slow. But that's not the point is I was not giving up but my body had started giving up. and then if my head and heart will come and work together I can go back and start working anytime, but right now it's not happening. I left my job and came back home, though earlier my plan was to stay for 2 months and go back to some metro city. But covid came and I was so so scared to leave my parents cause so many close relatives were dying like a nightmare.

Let's not talk about a job here 😐, slowly and slowly my mom and dad started convincing me to come back to routine with basic things like eating 3 meals a day. Sit with them and talk about random stuff and other things(there will another blog for that) but it all started to help me. I started getting confident and started believing in myself.

to be continued…

Date: 03–12–2021